3. Abe Lincoln VS Chuck Norris

Abe Lincoln vs Chuck Norris
Battle of Resilience

Abe Lincoln(Nice Peter)

Abraham Lincoln

United States President whose declaration to end all forms of slavery led to a civil war which was decided with the Union Army defeating the Confederates at the battle of Gettysburg. Nicknamed ‘Honest Abe’, he was a rare type of politician since he was not known to lie. His face was carved as one of four US leaders on Mount Rushmore  South Dakota USA.

He was assassinated with a bullet to the head by John Wilkes Booth.

Chuck Norris (EpicLLOYD)

Carlos Ray “Chuck” Norris

Martial arts expert and movie actor with a signature roundhouse kick. Known as Boss in the Return of the Dragon movie where he was defeated by Bruce lee. He founded his own martial arts school Chun KuK Do, is a Republican and a charity believer.

Chuck Norris Facts is an internet sensation of fans making up claims like rap music originated from Chuck’s heartbeat, catches bullets with his beard among others.

Mentions

John McCain – a US elections presidential candidate who lost to Barack Obama

Walker, Texas Ranger – A TV series show starring Chuck Norris

Categorization: Resilience

 

Lyrics

Abe Lincoln:

Four score and 65 years in the past,

I won the Civil War with my beard! Now I’m here to whup your ass!

I’ve read up on your facts. You cure cancer with your tears?

Well, tell me, Chuck. How come you never sat down and cried on your career?

You’re a washed-up has-been on TV selling Total Gyms,

And you’re gonna lose this battle like you lost Return of the Dragon!

I’ll rip your chest hairs out, put ’em in my mouth.

I’ll squash you like I squashed the South!

I never told a lie, and I won’t start now.

You’re a horse with a limp; I will put you down!

Chuck Norris:

This isn’t Gettysburg, punk. I’d suggest retreating,

For I invented rap music when my heart started beating.

Chuck Norris doesn’t battle. He just allows you to lose.

My raps will blow your mind like a verbal John Wilkes Booth.

Abe Lincoln:

I’ve got my face on the side of a mountain. You voted for John McCain!

I’ve got a bucket full of my head, and I’m about to make it rain!

You block bullets with your beard? I catch ’em with my skull!

I’d make fun of Walker, Texas Ranger, but I’ve never even seen that show!

Chuck Norris:

I am Chuck fucking Norris!

I’ve spread more blood and gore than 40 score of your puny Civil Wars, bitch!

I split the Union with a roundhouse kick!

I wear a black belt on the beard that I grow on my dick!

I attack sharks when I smell them bleed!

I don’t go swimming; water just wants to be around me!

My fists make the speed of light wish that it was faster!

You may have freed the slaves, but Chuck is everyone’s master!

 

References

Wikia

Youtube

Wikipedia

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